PHOTO-FINISH

From: Murder Incorporated - In a Keg

by Harold J. Treherne

alter, well built, athletic type, was the teacher many years ago at our rural school. His pupils ranged all the way from the prim and proper to the little devils. The former go their tranquil way but the latter add that zest to life and each school has at least one.

This Monday morning in the Fall when Walter arrived, Barney, about ten years old, was sitting on a desk near a window, "thinking up something." Walter, wise to his pupil and to forestall any monkey tricks, told him to get down but Barney, taking note of the distance between them, sat tight. A second time he was given his orders but the results were entirely negative and barren. Monday morning and so early is a tricky time to challenge the teacher's temper and Walter, his dander up made a bee line for the culprit. Barney's hide for sure would have been in for a Fall clean up but for one providential and remarkable circumstance - the window happened to be open! How fortunate.

Was it possible that Barney and that cantankerous rebel spirit within him had no connection with that exit to freedom? Would a gopher atop his hole wait to be pounced on? Ever heard of an axiom? Here then was a shining example. He had the ace card up his sleeve and although down for the count he definitely was not out but being as agile as he was 'ornery and just in the nick of time he was out as he disappeared through the open window leaving no fingerprints, no clues, no nothing. Waiter, one second too late, grabbed at thin air. Barney hitting the sod, his feet itchy and rarin' to go instinctively headed for the open field in the general direction of home figuring he "might" be safer there.

Walter, ensconced in his buffalo coat, too riled to remove it and quite understandably angry was barred by his bulk from taking advantage of Barney's shortcut. He and his coat took after his receding quarry by way of the conventional door in a rip-roaring hurry. This gave fleet-of-foot Barney a headstart of about fifty yards which he hoped would always be "no man's land."

The avenging to the last breath do-or-die pursuit was on and no holds barred. It was the survival of the fittest and not necessarily the littlest. Through the trees they sailed and a violent quiver of branches and a mighty rustling of agitated and wondering leaves marked their passing. How Walter, enshrined in buffalo habit, negotiated a three-strand barbed wire fence without leaving tangible shreds of evidence I never know. While Barney went through with a zip Walter no doubt leaped over it without a trip. Anger and fright do verily make possible a super endeavor.

Now they were in the open field and the betting, five to one, was all in favor of the little un. The deterring effect of the Buffalo coat probably was the reason.

Barney hotfooted it in short quick paces, urgency quickening his heels yet not daring to look back for fear he lose ground or fall over or something.

Walter like an ominous black shadow was striding big and fresh and overhauling his errant pupil, slowly and relentlessly, meanwhile keeping his eye on his bobbing victim. His big coat flapping round his knees enveloped him like a shroud and threatened to upend him but one eyeful of that little bobbing and weaving upstart ahead bolstered his determination to lay hands on the varmint. Long stubble coupled with uneven footing taxed a man's endurance and something was bound to happen any minute.

They had run a half mile in real Olympic fashion, Barney chin up, elbows to sides, short arms flat and swinging, hands clenched, his chest, what chest he had, well forward in real professional style. Walter as becomes a teacher certainly showed himself to advantage and while he hadn't yet caught up he felt right, plus law and order, would eventually crush all mutiny. Barney's heels were almost within reach but he couldn't quite close the gap and neither could Barney shake off his tormentor. The tension was a sizzler.

Then a break occurred: the railroad fence showed up about fifty yards ahead and like an oasis to a thirst-crazed man, Barney hit for the nearest square and freedom — so he thought. Feeling it was now or never and that his life was at stake he ducked his head and in a magnificent swan dive he shot through the nearest square. He really felt elated. He knew Walter couldn't repeat his neatly performed trick and as for climbing over the fence; in his winded state? He would capsize for sure. So who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

But Barney's reprieve was short lived as Walter, in a flush finish, made one do-or-die grab at Barney's fleeing anatomy and fastened his hold on a retreating coat-tail. Thus the victor and vanquished made contact and the curtain had come down for Barney, sort of flew at half mast.

They were beyond words at the moment, completely bereft of speech, but no touching sentiment was involved; hunter and hunted each side of a wire fence. In time the long forced march back began slow and painful and Barney learned the error of his ways - the hard way.

As the pupils said from their ring-side seats by the school windows:

"Real exitin' — we never had it so good"!